Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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