Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think my vagina is haunted
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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