He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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