where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
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he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
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So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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