Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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