i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize