Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize