you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
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Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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