if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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