Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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