i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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