Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize