I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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