thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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