if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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