Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
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I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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