No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize