we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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