3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize