I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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