yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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