I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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