Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Houston, we have a blender
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize