My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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