alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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