I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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