my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize