I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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