she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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