I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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