So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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