I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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