if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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