..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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