I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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