I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
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I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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