Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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