my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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