Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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