thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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