peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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