Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I want a musical about memes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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