dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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