You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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