the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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