So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize