yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
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I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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