too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize