I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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