i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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