sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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