just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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